Was it a crime to die by suicide in Ireland?

Yes. It was only in 1993 that suicide was decriminalised in Ireland. Until then, dying by suicide was literally against the law. While the legal system has changed, some language hasn’t kept pace. Phrases like “committed suicide” are still widely used, echoing a time when suicide was seen as a crime or moral failing.

This kind of language matters. It reflects and reinforces a stigma that surrounds suicide to this day. For many people bereaved by suicide, there’s an unspoken pressure to keep the cause of death quiet. Sometimes it’s because of fear or judgment, sometimes it’s to avoid uncomfortable questions, and often it’s simply because talking about it feels unsafe in a society that still struggles to have open conversations about mental health and loss.

Stigma’s Silent Weight Around Suicide

The discomfort people feel around suicide doesn’t always come from malice. Often, it’s because they simply don’t know what to say. They might avoid the topic entirely, change the subject quickly, or say things like “he’s in a better place” or “everything happens for a reason.” These platitudes often do more harm than good. They can make the bereaved feel as if their grief is unwelcome or too messy for polite conversation.

For others, the weight of grief is made heavier by the shame or silence of others. Some families find themselves divided—some want to be open about the death, while others want to keep it secret. This tension can lead to further heartbreak at a time when support is needed most.

Sometimes our own silence can add to our grief. For example, one woman who attends a HUGG support group told us:

“I remember the first time someone asked me how my brother died. I froze. I felt I had to tell them, like I owed them his story—but all I wanted was to protect myself, so I said nothing. Then I then felt ashamed, like I was hiding the fact that he had died by suicide’’

 Stories like hers are common. But it’s important to remember that you don’t owe anyone your story, you can simply say ‘I’m not ready to talk about that.’ This can help you to draw boundaries and decide when and if you want or are ready to share your story. This is not self-stigma but self-protection.

 

Religion and Silence around Suicide

In Ireland, our cultural and religious background plays a big role in how we talk—or don’t talk—about suicide. The Catholic Church historically labelled suicide a sin, and those who died by suicide were often denied church funerals and were buried in a different section of the graveyard. While this is no longer the catholic church’s stance in Ireland, that long-standing legacy has left deep marks on how suicide is perceived, especially in some rural communities.

There are still people who feel ashamed to talk about suicide in their family, fearing gossip, judgment, or being ostracised. But when we avoid the truth, we unintentionally feed the stigma that keeps others silent too.

How Shame Hurts Suicide Grief

Grieving a death by suicide is often accompanied by layers of unnecessary guilt. People often ask themselves the unanswerable painful questions: Could I have stopped it? Did I miss the signs? When others speculate or imply blame—“Was there something wrong with them?”—‘Did you know that they were struggling’ – that guilt is only intensified.

One HUGG group attendee shared:
“After my son died, some neighbours stopped talking to us and others avoided us. My own family tiptoed around, never mentioning his name. It felt like he’d been erased. It was just more hurt on hurt—it was the silence that followed.”

This kind of isolation can deepen grief, leaving people feeling alone, judged, and unsupported.

What You Can Do when bereaved by suicide

You don’t have to be a therapist to support someone bereaved by suicide. Often, just showing up, being present and listening is enough. You don’t need to offer solutions, there are none. In fact, asking simple, kind questions—“What was your favourite memory of them?”—can open a space for healing.

Using appropriate language also matters. Saying “died by suicide” instead of “committed suicide” removes criminal connotations and honours the complexity of what someone was going through.

If you’re unsure how to support someone or want to learn more, there are fantastic resources available at www.HUGG.ie.  You can also read information on suicide, personal stories, and find peer support group details. I would also recommend taking the free “Let’s Talk About Suicide” course, available online via the HSE’s training hub. It takes just an hour and provides tools to better understand suicide and support someone at risk. You can access it here: https://traininghub.nosp.ie/login/index.php

Free Yourself from the Shame of Suicide

To those who are grieving: your loved one is not defined by the way they died. They are remembered for the love they gave, the life they lived, and the impact they had. You do not have to carry the weight of stigma. You are not responsible for making others comfortable with your grief.

And to the wider community: it’s time we talked more honestly and compassionately about suicide. Let’s replace shame with empathy, silence with listening, and judgment with support.

There is no shame in grief, and there is no shame in how someone died. What matters most is how we support each other in living.