“I as a best friend felt I had no right to be hurting as much as I did compared to what the family were going through. I felt very selfish for feeling the way I did. I bet myself up every day over that. I also bet myself up because I couldn’t save my friend. I felt I should have been able to” Anonymous participant Afterwords Survey*
The death of a friend by suicide can be a huge shock and a very upsetting experience. The traumatic nature of the death can make grieving complicated and confusing. Sadly, it is not uncommon to feel like this, but we want you to know that ALL grief is valid.
Every type of grief can cause intense, complex feelings. However, research shows that those of us bereaved by suicide may have especially complicated feelings. And we might experience extra struggles while trying to cope with the loss. This might include feeling things like:
- Shocked, empty or numb
- Like there’s no hope or way of carrying on. You may experience suicidal feelings yourself
- Angry – this might be towards other people, the world, yourself or the person you have lost
- Very low or depressed
- Like you want to self-harm
- Anxious or panicky
- Isolated, or like no-one understands what you’re feeling
- Traumatised by what has happened
These are common reactions. But remember that neither you, nor the person who died by suicide, are to blame for their loss.
When we lose someone to suicide, we can go through many different, complicated emotions. There’s no right or wrong way to feel or to react.
If you’ve lost a friend to suicide, we are here to support you too. It may help to talk to people who have also experienced bereavement by suicide. They may be able to relate to what you’re feeling or help you to feel less alone.
HUGG provides suicide bereavement support groups led by trained volunteers with lived experience of suicide loss. These group meetings take place on Tues at 7.30pm. Groups are in person or online. To talk with someone about joining a group fill out the form and we will call you back https://www.hugg.ie/join-a-group/ We also have useful resources on our website including What happens at a HUGG meeting and Why attend a HUGG meeting
Suicide bereavement support is available for you and you don’t have to walk this path alone.