“Oft hope is born when all is forlorn.” – The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Finding a Catalyst for Change Through Loss
The Lord of the Rings was always a popular movie series for me and my brother, Conor, growing up. I couldn’t count the number of times we watched it together. In the nearly two and a half years since my brother died by suicide, it has taken on a whole new meaning for me. I think it’s the message of hope throughout the series — that good, innocent people like Conor make the biggest impact on our lives. And Conor certainly made a massive impact on me personally. I can safely say that he saved my life.
As I sit here typing this, while rain lashes against the window and tears stream down my face, I am reminded of the quote above. I don’t think I could have been in a much worse place when I found out about Conor’s suicide — it completely destroyed me. The worst, and consequently best thing, was that at the time of his death, all I had was time to think about it. It became a catalyst in my life to change, and to be the best person I could be for the people around me. So you see, even though people in our lives leave us — sometimes before their time — they can still affect us positively, and that is how I choose to see it.
Running the Dublin Marathon for Hope and Healing
Emmet McCarthy on the left
As recently as last month, Conor guided me to complete the Dublin Marathon, running in aid of HUGG and Tiglin. I heard about HUGG from my parents, who have benefited from the use of their service. And believe me, I would not have finished the race if it wasn’t for him. I wouldn’t have even considered attempting it, to be honest.
A Message on Grief: Feel the Emotions
I think everyone reading this can agree that the grief after a suicide comes at us all differently and at different stages. It can be debilitating, rage-inducing, and can make us feel downright low. My advice: feel the emotions. Don’t suppress them with anything. Don’t ignore them. Let them wash over you — and please, talk them out with someone you trust.
I never used to speak about what was bothering me — and a lot of things bothered me — which would build up in my head and lead me to all sorts of trouble. Everyone has emotions, and they are powerful. In particular, coming into the Christmas period, when every loss feels magnified.
Wishing you Peace and Hope this Christmas
I’ll leave you with this: my brother Conor was one of the gentlest, kindest people I knew, and I miss him every day. I’m sure everyone here has a similar person. He affected so many people positively in life, and now, hopefully, he can help a few more.
I wish everyone a happy Christmas — and remember, hope can come from anywhere. I hope you all find the peace you deserve.
Emmet